So, I ran across this today as I ran a random search for my name on google....don't ask--I am a strange bird and do this from time to time to find out just what the WWW knows about me....it's scary....put your name in and try it!

Either way, I found this and thought "huh, this is exactly what I'm thinking today"...it was from a blog post I wrote in 2006....

Are you in love with Christ?  I don't mean "are you a christian" or "do you go to church"...I mean are you IN LOVE with Jesus? 

I remember when I met my husband...for almost a year, he was just the training manager at AOL...I never imagined or desired that we would ever have anything more than a transactional business relationship.  Isn't it amazing how you can "know" someone in such a way that you never actually know him?  You might see that person every single day and talk to him every single day and never actually KNOW him.  I remember exactly where I was when I fell for him....I was in my car in front of my Dad's house...we had been talking on the phone while I was driving home from work and it was late and I didn't want to wake up Shiloh so I stayed out in my car and talked a while. 

Have you ever noticed the smog that settles over Albuquerque?  We live our whole lives wandering around in this cloud of pollution.  From the window seat of an airplane it's really quite disgusting when you look at it...there's literally this fog that just sits on top of our city.  That's what it was like before that day in my car....like I was walking around breathing in the pollution...the toxins set into my muscles...the darkness into my thoughts...and when we were talking it was like a breath of fresh air that seemed to flow throughout my body washing away all the poison I had been breathing in for so long...

As my heart and eyes began to open to the awesomeness of his love and the possiblity of what we could have together...all of the "cancer" slowly faded away... cancer that is caused by broken promises or failed attempts at trust... as I fell deeper in love, everything in my life changed--the way I looked at things, the places I went and with whom I spent my time...every thought was consumed by thoughts of him...the sacrifices that I've made for my husband and my family came so easily to me, as if they weren't sacrifices at all...the changes in my attitude towards my very dominant "feminist" side were so sudden yet so easy to let go of...that's how it is when you find love...the two of you grow together and everything in life becomes about that growth, that togetherness, that relationship...how you can nuture it, what's best for the two of you...knowing what things set him off and simply avoiding doing them--not because you're letting him "change you", but because you love him dearly and that's all that matters.  You adopt a "whatever it takes" mindset as you approach life and you guard your love and your relationship with everything you are and all the strength you have because it is just that dear to you.  When he weeps or something hurts him, it hurts you just the same.  When he is overjoyed, your joy sings with his.  Life is about the two of you...and it is beautiful.

So I ask you, are you in love with Jesus?  Does the cancer fade away when you are in His presence?  Is He the air that you breathe in a world of pollution?  Are your thoughts consumed by Him?  Are the sacrifices you make because you love Him dearly and desire to be close to Him and to guard your relationship with Him?  Or are they simply religious acts that you do out of habit or guilt or obligation or because it's "the right thing to do"?  Are you striving to change yourself or do you allow Him and His Love to transform you?  Are you ready to do whatever it takes to be close to Him, to be in His presence?  Does your heart break when His does?  Is He what your life is about?

I don't want a religion; simply a list of "to do's" and "not to do's"...I don't want want to be simply a "good person"...for who, really, is good?  If you do not have the One who is the absolute good...really, can you be good?  Do I want to be nice and generous and all those things? Sure, I guess everyone does...but it's not in me to do so...only in Him do I have hope of being anything better than what I am...I just want to be completely head over heels in love with Jesus...to know Him deeply and need Him desperately...to sit in His presence as He washes away my sin...

...for I am nothing apart from Him.

Yep. I think that about sums it up.  Wisdom from a much younger (and perhaps wiser, Candice)...

-Candice